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27 JAN 2025




The state of the world makes me feel so bad

Everything is just going from bad to worse

Human beings are horrible and cruel, no one has the slightest bit of empathy for anyone at all. People insult and hurt others over such simple things

I feel like I don’t belong in this world

I wasn’t born to be here

The pain of others hurts me, and I hate and love humanity at the same time

I have no hope for anything anymore

But I want to be kind, I want to be loving and gentle

I want to love and be loved

I want to spread love and peace, I want to help people

And even though my help may be very little, and I’ll never be able to change the world’s situation, I want to make that little bit count. I want my life not to be in vain

I feel like this is my purpose, and I will follow it

I will strive to become kinder and kinder every day

I will be different from those who hurt me and hurt others

I won’t harm

I will love

Even if it hurts



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13 JAN 2025




my dreams are getting more and more weird, and sometimes I dont even remember what happened in the dream when I wake up, I just feel that strange feeling of "okay something is definitely wrong"

today I woke up really scared because I was having a nightmare

what the nightmare was about?

I don't have idea



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26 DEC 2024




I’ve been dreaming much more frequently lately

I think it’s because with my sleeping meds, I sleep deeply

I’ve noticed there are specific settings that appear often in my dreams:

1. Schools:

Usually, they’re public schools, and most of the time, there’s something old and broken, with graffiti-covered walls. Sometimes, the entire school is old and falling apart. The places are usually really big, too.

2. Pools:

They’re always very large and deep, but it’s a good and refreshing feeling. They always appear in fun dreams (except for one time when it turned into a nightmare because I hurt my foot in the pool. The blood in the dream felt so real. it was scary)

3. Rich Houses:

Sometimes, I dream that I’m traveling and staying in a house that isn’t mine. Most of the time, they’re huge mansions owned by rich people. I never know who the real owner of the house is. Sometimes, simpler, cozier houses appear, too

4. Forests:

Forests or grassy environments

I don’t remember any dream involving them clearly, but they give me a bad feeling, so they’re probably part of my nightmares


I don’t know what all of this might mean.

My mind creates really strange things, especially when I’m tired



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16 DEC 2024




God is the only thing that brings me a little hope for humanity.

Human beings really are terrible creatures.



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15 DEC 2024




It's almost Christmas...

Time passes so quickly, and it scares me.

The years keep going by, and I feel like I threw away my entire teenage life in my room, just drawing and being depressed.

Now I’m doing kinda okay emotionally, but... I’m afraid of time. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do everything I want before I die. I’m afraid of growing old, of being an adult. I’m afraid of not knowing what my future will look like. Will I be a good professional in the arts field? Will I ever be able to have my own house and be completely independent? Will I ever fall in love, or am I completely immune to love?

I don’t know.

And not knowing is such an uncomfortable feeling.